Friday, September 2, 2016

Kamisu Reina Series Volume 1: Reina Kamisu Is Here

Fumi Saito

I don’t have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I’m mistrustful, or because I’m too lazy to cultivate
contacts. It’s not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I’m just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it’s no big deal, since I’m smart and my grades are good, but from my
perspective that’s no big deal. She doesn’t know how cumbersome school is for people who can’t make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it’s break time and everyone’s engaged in chats, I’m sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I’m at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I
don’t really like doing so. Thanks to that, I’ve become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It’s a vicious cycle:

I’m mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that’s downright wrong. I’d love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who’s the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I’m ignored. I’m only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessary.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I’m ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don’t think so. It’s wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It’s my communication skills. Right, I’m not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I’m always cautious? Because I get nervous when I’m talked to? No, that’s not all there is to it. That’s just another vicious cycle that started because I don’t often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of being thought of as an oddball. I’m scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I’m scared of others’ opinions of me.

To continue reading, you can download the file here!